Ding.

I'm done. Nine day stretch is over. I was a little down today. A little tired, a little depressed, but I did okay, especially considering what was going on around me today.

Contention.
Tension.
Confrontation.
Miscommunication.
Aggravation.

I tried to diffuse one situation. "She just wanted the answer to a question. That's all. She had a right to ask and get an answer." My voice went unheard. I apologized to the person. The same person that had rocked my world yesterday with her, "If I'd known that you didn't know, I wouldn't have said anything." She said the same thing today. But I tend to be a friend to the friendless, a voice for the unheard, a shoulder to cry on. It's in my nature. It's why I'm a nurse. I'm just glad to have the day off tomorrow. So much drama, so much contention. So many high-strung people overreacting to situations. Had enough. Need my break. Need a rest. Maybe I'll clean all day tomorrow, or maybe I'll cry all day tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. I haven't cried much. I've raged and shook and said insane things and did insane things, but I haven't cried, but maybe once or twice. I'm glad. I hate crying and once I start crying, I have a hard time stopping. My eyes hurt though. Maybe a good cry would do me good. I am sad. How could I not be? I am a human being and I have emotions just like everyone else. I have been through a lot. I am moving forward slowly. My lows are not near as bad as they were. My raging/shaking fits don't really exist anymore, my stomach is not in knots all the time like it was before. I'm getting better. I'll be okay. I know that I will. I know I'll come out of this stronger and better than ever. I'm impatient though. I want to be done with feeling misery, it's not a state I like to be in. I want to be over HIM. My divorce came on slowly, the other thing was a shock. It left me reeling. And then instead of support, I got stabbed in the back by people who were supposed to be friends. How did you expect me to feel? How did you expect me to act? I am human. No matter how much people don't want me to be, no matter how much they want me to be a robot without emotions, I just can't be anything but who I am and what I am. I am okay with who I am and if other people are not, that's their problem. What other people need to do is take a good look at themselves, because they have problems of their own. I know what reality is/was, no matter how much they try to tell me that it was some other reality. I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to reading people or situations (apparently anyways, I trust all the wrong people, think people care about me when they really don't). But don't worry because I'm a rockstar, about to get the show on. An allstar, about to get my game on. (Thanks for the cheesy lyrics Smashmouth).



Breaking the mold. I was once told by a lady at work that after they made me, they broke the mold. Haha. (My residents mostly all adore me. I don't say it to be arrogant or anything, I say it because it's true. People may be a little on my nerves lately, but I still love them. I am still a people person. That is why people love me--because I love them. Everyone wants to feel loved.)